So if your unlucky enough to know what these tablets are, then I don't have to describe to you what this post is regarding. But if you don't I will fill you in.
That medication allows me to deal with a normal day to day life. Although most days it leaves me tired, but it allows me to be able to balance my thoughts some people might say emotionless . Crazy right? 🤷♂️🤦🏼♂️Why would anyone want to feel like that. Well this is why.
You see I suffer from #depression
. Let me start by saying, I had many #suicidal
thoughts as my life was at a low, My depression is Simple things like #relationships
become so trivial, so complicated.
In my brain it doesn't sit right, something seems different. I notice little differences that 'normal' people wouldn't notice.
That comment you didn't tag me in, but you tagged other people? I saw that, why didn't you tag me? What's up with me?
You read that message, I saw you did, but you didn't reply.. why didn't you reply? Have I done something to upset you?
You didn't say I love you on the phone.. do you not love me anymore? Do you love someone else instead?
They just made a comment about me. Was it a joke? Was I supposed to laugh? Or do they mean it? Are they being nice? Are they talking about me? Do they talk about me? I bet they don’t like me really.
And for all those questions I will spend hours trying to answer. Let it all build up in my mind, until it sends me to tears...... it's mental that isn't it!!! That I see things that way.
It's not only mental changes, but physical changes. I don't eat a lot, mainly rubbish, because I need it now and I need the energy from lack of sleep. Insomnia, up all night answering questions to situations that don't even exists. or sleep to much and waste half my day still feeling tired.
I still smile and I have every excuse for when you ask why.
But the tablets help me.
And I understand that I don't need to be ashamed. I don't need to be understood. I just need to be accepted. Everyone is fighting a battle a huge thank you to my family, thank you @tracyleanneofficial
for talking me off the ledge 💋